Love Bucket

Is Your Love Bucket Empty

I am sitting in the MVD the other day and there is a mother,father,and their young daughter sitting next to me. The daughter was at least 7 or 8 years old and she was being restless as to be expected it is the MVD and I overheard her say to her father.

Daddy is your love bucket empty ?

I thought it was cute when I heard that and jotted it down,however as I mediated and allowed my mind to wander on this thought I realized how true of a statement this is for some people.

Stephen Covey in his highly fabulous and extremely useful book the 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People he describes this as your emotional bank account and works just like any back account. You have to do things to invest or refill your love for others and yourself. If you were to look at your 5 closest relationships what would your answer be to this question?

What is my balance for my closest relationships ?

If it is something you don't know or if it is something that you don't like the answer to let's look at ways to start refilling and investing in our love buckets and bank accounts because there will be a day when you may need to withdraw from the bank or empty out some of the bucket. You need to make sure that you have enough left over to sustain the relationship because we know what happens when you empty the bucket or overdraw our account. In relationships this becomes resentment with a sense of feeling used and the other party not feeling like you have a true investment in the relationship.

The act of refilling however is simple and comes in many forms like the ones before.

• Remembering the other persons favorite things and giving them a magazine article, or sending them an email of something that reminded you of them.
• Leaving personal notes that let know you care or thanking them for something they did.
• Remembering to call and check in during the day.
• A nice gift because it is Wens day.
• Spending quality time with that person.
• Listening To Them
• Wanting More For Them Than You Do For Yourself
• Providing Encouragement

And the list could go on for days those are just a few examples of things that cost nothing but a fraction of time and have a huge ROI on your relationships. And that is the point how much is the other person truly worth to you and how much it is the investment worth to you ? See this is the one time where an investment pays off double for you. When you give to others the thing you give is given back to you by the universe.

When you are being love it is easy to make deposits and fill up your love bucket.

Do not want for anything when you can BE everything.

Until my next post

Namaste and God Bless.

This Will Pass

This too will pass

How many times have you heard that ? In the words of my mother if I had nickel for every time I have heard that I would be rich. The thing is with a statement like that the times I remember hearing it the most are times when things are going pretty awful. We all know those days when things just seem like they are not getting any better.

You woke up and the car wouldn't start.,You spilled coffee on your favorite shirt., and You got placed on assignment with a co worker that is less than optimal to work.

This too will pass

Here is one context where this statement rarely gets used and when I was reading about it the simplicity of it was very powerful.

When things are going great and perfect.

I will be the first to say what you may thinking. Dominick why would I do that when things are going good I want my good times to last not go away? The logical answer is the one you know but may not accept and that is that their is a natural order to things.

Ying & Yang

Good & Bad

Up & Down

So if that is remotely close to what you were thinking then you are fighting natures law and don't worry we all fight it. I am only trying to strengthen your awareness of the battle your taking on.

See realistically we know we can't have the good moments forever but in an effort to focus on the positives in life we tend to think of things being great and wonderful all the time will be the key to that peace we have. However when the seasons shift we start to get upset and frustrated and feel as though some how someone has robbed of these wonderful and awesome moments. Even though we know the natural order of things are for them to go and come.

Why do we do that?

There are three reasons primarily we feel that pain and they are:

Nonresistance- To resist is to not accept the way things are and work with them from that space. It is the decision in your thoughts to want things the way you want them and to push back on life about it. When you do this you block the flow of power that you could receive from taking place in your life. You also create that feeling of things are never going the way they should,or should I say the way you think they should be going.

Non-judgment-Much like resistance it is the idea that the way you think something should be is right and you allow your feelings about that to upset you. You hear it in the following statements " I would never do that I don't know why they do", "Who wears those colors together", "Why do you talk like that", etc. Ultimately when you judge others you saying if they were more like me then things would be better. Well what would happen if you accept them as they are and work from that space ? One thing is for sure you will have less resistance to manage. You also will have less desire to try and persuade them to your way of thinking it would allow you to listen to hear others.

Non-attachment- This is the one that really is hard not to do. You own nothing in this world you are attached to nothing when its all said and done you will leave with only YOU. People,Places,Things, and Moments are not yours to own they are yours to Value,Love, and Appreciate while they are in your presence. You do not get to keep anything you can only add to everything.

Since I have been sharing my teachings and journey with you I have started to see a common thread in my writing and I wanted give this last parting statement as means to fulfilling happiness.

Stop Living Life The Way You Won't It To Be and Start Loving Life The Way It Is

Until my next posting

Namaste & God Bless

Sometimes It is Not You

I will start by saying that this is going to one of the most open and revealing blogs I ever write. This is an explanation to why some men some times behave the way we do in relationships and while the reasons can vary. The only one I can be accountable for is my own. So I am going to share with all who read this my story in hopes of saving some people some much unneeded pain.

So I was married for roughly 10-11 years don't quote me as my memory can be bad on such details and I would tell you that when it started out it was everything I ever wanted we had dated for 3 years prior to being married, taken relationship classes that we thought would give us a strong foundation all before we decided to take the jump. I mean there was genuine love there and we wanted to be together I mean what else was there? Realistically their was a lot more and there was one thing that affected me more than Jennifer knew and that thing was

FEAR

See behind all the love and friendship lied a fear that I carried and have carried for many years I was afraid to get married but I couldn't bring myself to say that to Jennifer she had waited a lifetime to share this moment with someone and I had said I was ready for it so I knew there was no way I could walk away form it plus I figured that I would just figure it out along the way that I loved her enough to never hurt here. I never thought it would turn into what it did.

Lesson #1

You can't run from things in a relationship unless you leave the relationship otherwise they will find you and exploit you in this case. The fear would show up about 6 months later and my answer to make it go away was simple create a backup plan. I cheated for no reason other than my fear of being hurt and my wife didn't know at the time because I was scared to tell her. This would set in motion the actions that have gone on in my life for the last 11-12 years. Fear to commit, Fear to lose someone, Fear to give up control, Fear of not being good enough.

Like most things it is only a matter of time before they surface and once this was revealed you can imagine the pain that it caused a newlywed. I mean honestly who does that ? I have apologized countless times and while my ex was no saint in her later years she did not deserve to be hurt because of my personal fears and the lack of acknowledgment of them.

Lesson#2

Acknowledging sometimes is all you need just saying what your afraid of is enough to help create solutions and to start working towards a different path. See what I didn't know then is what I lacked and failed to do I failed share with my partner YOU shouldn't have to feel like your handling these situations alone when your in a relationship and if you do there is a strong likely hood you will fail. I would later truly learn the concept of a relationship being a place of community and sharing. There is no YOU in US

So as mine and Jennifer's relationship would progress it would become a place where I was in constant fear and not of her physically hurting me but emotionally hurting me at some point so I used that as justification for every unfair behavior I had done. This was me at my darkest and most selfish of times. I was to selfish to leave her love but to scared to give mine fully.

So why didn't I just leave?

Take a wild guess FEAR of course leaving would mean being alone and by myself, what about my son,how am I going to make it, what about Jennifer I didn't want to make things worse and finally after I could no longer take it I left and I made the choice to do so. With my ego leading the charge blaming everything and every reason under the sun for why it was right. I hurt Jennifer for the last and final time.

Lesson #3

It is hard to be honest and real when your ego dominates your life. It will control you and create a constant state of internal paranoia much like the story I am describing it would be in hind sight that I saw the damage my ego caused to my life.

Lesson#4

Leaving a relationship and entering another one without a real honest answer for why you left the first one is how the cycle continues. See the only thing you take to a new relationship that is the same as your old one is YOU. So if you don't know why you did what you were doing know that it will return in some form and bring the previous drama with it.

Every relationship I have had since Jennifer has failed within roughly a 4 month window or anytime things got to serious for me because I had yet to acknowledge all of my FEARS the ones I have shared with all of you. This stuff never goes away folks and it varies for different reasons with different people but the rules are still the same we avoid it but it never goes away so now what ?

I will start with an apology because it is the least I could do.

To every women who I have ever been involved with I am sorry from the bottom of my heart that I lacked the self knowledge to prevent from hurting all of you. You are beautiful,divine, wonderful people who did not ask to have someone as confused as I was then to enter your life and create or add drama. I can't speak for all of your situations but in the ones that dealt with me it was probably more me than you when it comes to why the relationship didn't last.

Couple things I wanted to leave you with

• FEAR doesn't live in the house of LOVE they don't exist together for a reason. Love fearlessly going forward it is what is needed or at least it is a component.
• Ground yourself spirituality.
• Be more compassionate to the needs of your partner by committing to listening with an open heart and appreciating them just the way they are.
• Never FEAR love again because doing so is not worth it. It is a puric victory.
• Don't be in limbo because it is like pulling a band aid off slowly it hurts longer and you still have to pull it off.

So I hope that helps at least explain how sometimes things go wrong and usually it happens in the name of love. Change your choices, admit the hard truths, and appreciate the other person because it is always something little that grows like a bad weed in your garden.

Until my next posting

Namaste & God Bless

Emotions

A newborn is soft and tender,

A crone, hard and stiff.

Plants and animals, in life, are supple and succulent;

In death, withered and dry.

So softness and tenderness are attributes of life,

And hardness and stiffness, attributes of death.

Just as a sapless tree will split and decay

So an inflexible force will meet defeat;

The hard and mighty lie beneath the ground

While the tender and weak dance on the breeze above.-Lao Tzu

How much do u love your emotions all of them good and bad?

Regardless of how you answer the above question know that my goal is to help you understand the value in why you should love the full range of your emotions and even more so understand where they come from and how perspective shift can help u to do the following

• Use your emotions instead of be used by them.
• Understand yourself more so that you can dissolve conflict with other peoples emotions.

For the collective majority emotions have become something that appears at first to be a huge contributor to our pain but one of the reocuuring things I have learned is that no matter what may be happening or what u might be feeling their is an oppositeI know that you understand there is always a different side of things but how do u get to the good in the bad ,how do u see the love in situations, the joy in the sadness?

By acknowledging that your emotions are based in either on of two forms

• That there are form based emotions and ego based ones.
• Just like unchecked thoughts unchecked emotions can cause un needed pain in your life and take your energy.

Healing begins with AWARENESS of your thoughts and feelings. You must drive a dissociation between you and whatever situation or person you are dealing with. YOU ARE NOT THE SITUATION it does not define you. It is something that u are a part of but it is not part of you. By viewing the world through this lense you remain objective and you can experience your feelings as a guide to either what others are going thru or as how u should respond to a situation. Allow yourself to build trust in how you feel for the stronger your connection to your feelings and the thoughts that generate them. The stronger your connection to your inter spirit will be .

The key to creating the dis associaton is found in silencing your thoughts as I have suggested before thru meditation,yoga,sitting quietly. Do anything that allows you to stop thinking long enough to watch your self in a situation and in case your wondering what this feels like it is when you make a choice and u hear a voice tell your self this is a bad idea or you feel something in the pit of your stomach that says this doesn't seem right.

Sometimes that is enough to stop the action your taking sometimes your ignore it but because your not use to understanding it you write it off as being a coincidence when in fact it is the way your mind should work oin a regular basis. That is the best way I can describe my experience with being aware so it may vary depending on your emotions and your connection to them. Let give a few examples of how to use your emotions in a beneficial way.

You are in a situation where you are being tempted by someone or something else and your looking for an excuse to do the right thing. You get a feeling that says this is a bad idea.

You become good at recognizing your own feelings that when you meet others you can identify what they may be feeling and can counter it with what the emotion calls for.

Anger/Love,Understanding,Acceptance

Loneliness/Companionship,Listening,Acceptance of Self

Used/Reenforced Value

The list goes on but when you can become the observer in your own life and know what feelings your having,how to manage them, then you can see the person in the situation meet their needs and then help them if you can in the situation.

There is always an opposite to what you feel and it is simply a choice of how to get to a point where you choose the option that places you back in control of your life because if your not the driving force of your own life then who is ?

Until My Next Post

Namaste & God Bless

Why Women Are More Enlightened Than Men

It is interesting how things flow into me when it comes to what I write for example this article came about after dropping my son off at school the other day I saw one of the parents there and she was a pregnant lady which got me to thinking and led me down the path of this posting and this belief which is centered around the fact that God gave women a closer connection to him.

To me that explains a lot of the reasons that women have such a strong emotional connection why a mom has an intuition I don't think it is just that I believe it is they are tuned in on a higher frequency than men especially with their children it is almost as if a child gets most of its spirit from its mother and its ego/duality from their father. I think this is also why women suffer so much with dealing with the ways of the world and confliction of their spirit.

See men and women both share the challenges of form. Duality,Opinions Of Others,Ego,all the things that throw the spirit out of alignment and harmony however women have an additional challenge since they seem to operate at higher spiritual level and we all know u can't give away what u don't have inside. I think in order for a women not to lose her spirit and herself she has enough spirit to transfer some of it to her child and I think we see that in all areas of a women's life . More emotion, tears,feelings, and more compassion a sense that what she is feeling is not right because it is too much based on what other people think should be enough. Look at a mothers intuition is it just chance that a mother knows her kids, can feel their pain, and sense something being wrong even when the child is no where around I don't think so I think it is because they have that deeper connection they share the same frequency if you will. I mean I can't recall ever hearing of a fathers connection although they may very well exist just not in abundance they way it is with women.

When I thought about all of this I felt bad for all that a women must feel torn inside at times I mean it is also my belief that this makes it harder for a women to spiritually connect with males because for the most part men take longer to find there spiritual connection it is not impossible to do but requires patience on part of the women to understand this. The funny thing is most women have the patience and will give it if they know the love they will receive is real and worth waiting for. I think as men need to understand this more and learn to embrace that a women may operate at a higher frequency therefore they will feel things differently for us and for others and that is ok. That is the beauty of it all. We are all different and it is the appreciation,understanding, and acceptance of it that makes it all work. Men know even though all of this may not be something that is proven fact yet it is proven if you can make your partner feel excepted for all the things she doesn't understand about herself like the things I am writing about and you love her just the way she is all of her no strings attached there is not a real women on this planet who will not be receptive to that. We are designed to live in harmony and part of that design is being happy and accepting our differences and one of those is that women in my opinion carry a stronger and higher connection to their spirit.

So the point of this all for me is to confirm what I already knew and what most women are confused about that is it is ok to be what you are even if know one understands why. It is your truth and for you to embrace it and be happy about. See I have learned that happiness is not something you find it is something that is already inside it is accepting what is and being ok with it. I think that we sometimes allow the world to remove us from this truth but I say we shouldn't things are beautiful just as they are.

Until My Next Posting

Namaste & God Bless

The Gift Of Giving

As you prepare for your journey this week into the world. Take a moment to reflect on how much you have chosen to give in your life in my recent journey to grow,find myself, and my purpose this is something I have come to learn is an important part of who I am and for the longest time I was torn with dealing with my spirit, my ego, and the world we live in. I talked to my mother prior to writing this and she told me since I was young I have always been someone who enjoyed giving to others that I always shared everything I had.

When I was younger I did not understand the way of the lonely traveler and at the time the world I lived in did not reward a person for being different for seeing the world differently. Can i remember thinking as a child why can not play with that child ? See I grew up in a very racially segregated part of the US and doing things that were outside of the norm like playing with kids of another color would result in you being treated differently for being different. I never have known how to just go along even when it looked like I was internally I was struggling. I tried to conform to the world and like a boy looking outside a window at life trying to understand the world and my place in it.

Then I learned the most life changing thing for me what I was looking for was never out that window. I had to turn around and look thru my own house. I had to look inside myself as I started to do that I started to see things I remembered doing as a child that I had changed because they didn't go with the world years after growing up in a place where I felt my differences were restricted and I continued to carry this within me to adulthood. As I learn,accept, and release past beliefs to reveal myself I have learned amazing things about me one of those is the subject of this article. I have a spirt of generosity that is a huge part of me and while that flies in the face of convection within the world I know longer care. Giving to me is one of greatest things you or I can ever do.

If I had of stood my ground and never tried to conform I may not have had the experiences I enjoy sharing with anyone who would like to read it. Nor would I have grown and become the man I was supposed to be.

When I went to church last Sunday to hear the word of God I had no idea I would hear the importance of giving and the impact it has in the eyes of god. Generosity is a a simple thing that can be done by anyone at anytime and costs nothing it is free. In the bible according to Isaiah 32:8 it also is considered noble in the eyes of god which is fine but it is and never has been something I considered.

It is nothing more beautiful than giving I have listed a few things that can help you incorporate this concept into your life.

Give a Dinner To People You Care For Without A Reason

Give You Time To Talk To A Friend

Give A Compliment To A Stranger

Give Money For Good Cause.

Give Time To Yourself

Give Time To Your Children

There is only one other rule DETACH FROM OUTCOME this has to happen otherwise it will not be genuine and the meaning can be negated. It is not hard but the impact is huge a simple compliment can change a life by letting someone know you care and see them and appreciate them just as they are.

Until My Next Posting

Namaste & God Bless

The Value In Realationships

Knowledge changes everything in life I truly can say that looking back on my life every true change has happened when I have accumulated enough knowledge to challenge what someone from somewhere who told me that was what i was supposed to do. After years of formal education I expanded by ability to learn further into others including spirituality and relationships. I have learned many things in this process including the topic of this article

Your Spirit Needs Relationships To Grow

When I first heard that I was frustrated because why would I ever think I truly need other people to make me better I have never relied on the good opinion of others if I didn't believe them. As I deepened my knowledge I would learn the following concepts.

• I am not my thoughts and within me is my spirit and it is independent of ego.
• Ego is form based,never satisfied, and does everything it can to protect itself
• I was an extremely ego dominated person

Once I learned the three things above I learned to listen to what my spirit tells me instead of what my ego did and I noticed the difference which could be different for everyone but for me it was hearing the emotion behind every conversation. When I learned what my ego sounded like versus the desire to do the right thing I began to see others much differently. This is what lead me to my next finding

Whenever I would interact with others there would be times when things would get my ego flared up and then it hit me The Way I React To Others is a good indication of things within me that I need to work on for example if I am in a conversation and I begin to get defensive when getting feedback on something I began to ask myself WHY ?

In personal relationships this multiplies 10 fold because they are the closest to you. Everyones partner has that thing that bugs them from leaving clothes on the floor to drinking milk out of the carton. Have you ever wondered the validity of those statements In the past my ego put me in the defensive against those moments as I am sure you may have experienced. I now know my partner was right and had I accepted some of that knowledge I would have grown further in my relationship instead I allowed my ego to guide my decisions not my spirit and my heart.

Since changing the frame on how I see this topic let me say I have a burning passion to interact with everyone because I see everyone with more value if I can learn about me from how I interact with others there is so much good for both them and I. I now listen at a different level with my own feelings being monitored I am open to truly give back more to people, and when our conversation ends we both can feel satisfied. I am not saying to take others opinions I am saying take your own opinion around why you responded the way you did when you can answer that you will see the thing that you can work on, compare it with your own personal past and if it is true you can change it.

We truly need each other in this journey called life everyone is valuable every interaction is an opportunity for you to be better than you were before it took place which is a concept I love to embrace.

Until my next post

Namaste & God Bless

What Love Could Be

I was listening to Rabbi Shmuley talk about the three types of love during an interview he was doing for Dr Deepak Chopra and the topic was about the future of love in our society the thoughts centered around the types of love that is needed within our own personal relationships. During the interview he stated that one of the main reasons that relationships tend to lose the spark that so often goes away after being to together for a long period of time.

In our society for the average relationships the longer you are together the more likely you are to have experienced the passion fizzle and if you haven't that is an amazing blessing. I would agree with the interview in the sense that there is a general assumption that you must sacrifice passion in a relationship but being a NLP (No Limit Person) I don't believe that at all. Now I am not in a relationship right now but trust me when I say that doesn't mean I don't know what I want and how to get there. So on that note here are some to key points from that interview.

His talks refer to men and women being fire and water and there needing to a blending of the two to soar above what is worldly and traditional. See until I started to take a journey towards my new goal of a adding no more pain to the world I searched for a partner someone who was an equal to me and could help me in my quest to build my wordly empire. This was my ultimate goal and I pushed hard to aquire it thru time and suffering but failed miserably in doing this I hurt other people thru lies,manipulation, and the use of opposites all in a effort to protect my ego. It was only thru my personal awaking that I could be open to receive the information that I now see and realize what I truly want for my personal relationships versus what I once that I should have. Those models are listed below.

The River Model which means love is like a partnership a business deal so to speak. In this model you are looking for another version of you someone who meets your requirements it reminds me of interviewing someone for a job. In ancient times this is what dynasties use to do in order increase there power. This is where at one point where I wanted to be in my relationships because I thought it was safe and would ensure a good relationship.

The Kettle Model means you can compliment each other. And coexist together like a kettle holding water over a flame. You work well together and truly compliment one another but there is nothing that makes the relationship pop it is doing what it should do moving right along. This is where the general population lives.

The Bird Model means that you counteract one another and use each other to soar above it all that you accept one another as you are not what u want each other to be. You compliment talents and use them together and rise above much like a bird who uses all its tools to fly. This is the ideal of where a relationship could be. I have decided that this is what I want out of my relationship.

The last part of the discussion was that men need the fullness of a women's love to balance out their linear thought and self. The compassion of a women's love is something that helps to keep things in balance and as a society we need to connect further to this idea and allow our connection to compassion to shine thru. I sincerely believe this is true and as we do our personal relationships can grow and as a society we can change.

As the bible teaches us it all starts with and ends with love.

Until My Next Posting

Namaste & God Bless

Were All Human

I had some realizations occur this weekend and I wanted to share them. Now the things you read here are not things I have not said before or explained how to do. The purpose of this post is to say I am not something special nor am I above the things I teach. The things I am talking about are this Never allow anyone to take your control. Live your life with humility. See that wasn't so bad now was it? Since we were younger we have all been told something similar to the two sentences above. If that is the case why don't we do them ? Well I can only answer that for myself when I say that it is to fall into old patterns. Even with all that I know it happens and will continue until I generate the leverage to prevent it. Case in point is me giving away my control I had a personal event that allowed me to do just that and create a great deal of unneeded stress and trouble most importantly I lost access to someone I love dearly. When I look at the situation I realized there were moments that I had the opportunity to do things differently but did not because of my natural condition to go with the familiar. This cost me a price that I was not willing to pay and because of my level of commitment to my self development I know that I will not allow myself to reach the point of total loss of control again.There comes a time in your live when the stakes are to high to make bad judgment calls. When are they too high for you ? If you can identify those moments before hand you can be proactive and make better choices. As for the humility I learned a very simple notion know matter how much knowledge you have you can not impress your views on anyone even if they happen to helpful or correct. If you do this it should easy to correct just stop trying to convince people to like you or do what you say. God Bless Amen